After the dream I posted in a previous issue of the LDE titled, “Karim, the Alter Ego” I have had many more dreams and waking life experiences with the awareness behind the dream, some of which resulted in temporary spontaneous bliss trances that would come and go on their own. In some of those trances I would experience a non-dual meditative state. I am giving this context as it is important to the conversation that I had with the awareness in the following dream.

This dream came after doing my favorite incubation “speaking to the awareness behind the dream”. The night I incubated this was in October in the middle of a divine feminine Vedic festival called Navaratri, that I was observing. This festival is focused on worshipping the mother goddess (it can also be thought of as the active nurturing and protective qualities of pure awareness) for 9 days. I believe it was day 6 of the festival when I had this dream:

I was passing by a temple in India and there was a group of ladies sitting on the ground worshipping the Goddess and singing a hymn to Druga (a Vedic warrior aspect of the divine feminine). I was familiar with this hymn. It was very pleasant hearing their melodic voices sing the words in Sanskrit which evoked feelings of reverence and worship within me. 

The chorus of the hymn which repeats after every few lines of the hymn says:

"Victory to you, I take refuge at your auspicious feet,
O the destroyer of the Demon Mahishasura, (an anti-Christ type figure)
Who shines with beautiful locks of hair,
Who is the daughter of the mountain."

I knew the chorus in Sanskrit well so whenever it came, I would sing along with the worshippers.

Then an invisible feminine, soft, loving voice says, "Do you know that those who seek refuge are refugees?"

I had a sudden shock when I heard this statement. It surely prompted me into lucidity once I heard the invisible voice speak. I knew immediately it was "her" that was speaking.

In almost every religion and spiritual path there is the concept of seeking refuge with the divine or within awareness. This is considered a standard part of prayer in some. We can normally seek refuge for protection from external and internal influences, especially from the mind. I always thought of seeking refuge as this beautiful act we do that helps us get close to our larger awareness.

This statement was shocking because the word refugee brought to mind the image of all the Syrian refugees fleeing from conflict and war in their country, trekking across Europe to seek refuge, aid, food, and shelter in Germany, or Sweden or other countries. This was a very poor sight not what I associated with seeking refuge within my deeper awareness. 

As if to respond to my thoughts she says, "Taking refuge with divinity is a noble act. But would you like to be more than a refugee?"

This took me by surprise. I said, "But you are vast and magnificent, glorious, wonderful, full of beauty how can I not seek refuge within you?" All these adorations and more came out of me spontaneously while speaking to that voice. I was starstruck with her and also felt really in love at that moment.

She said, "But all these qualities are yours too." My ego and painbody would not allow me to accept that. The larger awareness is vast and magnificent. I am but a small alter ego in comparison, how can I be magnificent or glorious?

She said, "Say after me: I am wonderful, I am magnificent."

I couldn't. She said, "Why do you hesitate? Haven’t you experienced yourself as Brahman (referencing my earlier nondual meditative experiences with bliss). If you are Brahman, then don’t you also possess the qualities of Brahman?"

I understood what she meant here, it is the concept of the holographic universe, or fractals. "But this is me, small me, and that is you, Big you!" I responded as I was struggling with my smallness. 

She replied cleverly, "Doesn't a drop of water from the ocean contain the same qualities as the entire ocean? It has the same chemical structure, it has similar properties. When it is cold it becomes a freezing solid, and when it is hot it evaporates to a gaseous state."

I thought, wow that made sense!

She continued, "During the moments that you are aware of Brahman (meaning in a meditative blissful state) what do you feel?"

I responded, "I feel bliss, I am peaceful, I am centered, I feel joy, I am connected, I am clear...."

She chuckled, "And this peace, joy, bliss, clarity, aren't they qualities of Brahman / Awareness?"

It felt I got a smack on the face, in a good way ;) 

"And here ends the lesson," she said, and I woke up.

I’ve been reflecting on this dream a lot. I do not believe there is anything wrong with seeking refuge within awareness. I believe it is a beautiful way to anchor and center ourselves and an important part of my daily practice. However, I never entertained the idea of anything more than refuge.

I decided that from now on, I no longer want to just be a refugee with Awareness. Whenever faced with anything in life, I will be calling forth the qualities of Awareness / Brahman from within me that are needed for that moment. I found something that really worked for me the weeks after this dream. I would call on the ‘optimal qualities’ of awareness that are required to tackle whatever is happening in this moment, rather than immediately running to refuge. 

This feels like a spiritual maturity milestone for me. Kind of a growing up moment. Bringing forth the qualities that are already available within rather than running back to in refuge or help whenever anything happens. Mind you, seeking refuge is always something I would rely as a last resort, so it is not something I recommend anyone to stop doing. 

I truly never thought of seeking refuge in awareness in that way before. This dream was quite an eye opener. I invite everyone reading this that if this resonates with you, to become more than a refugee with the divine. I believe that this eventually leads to the next step, standing in personal power and become a co-creator with the larger awareness.


Note: For anyone that might be interested here is a nice version of the hymn along with a translation in this youtube video:



This article was released in issue from

June 2020

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